Have you ever consumed so much sugar that you were past worrying about a diabetic coma, and more expecting yourself to fall into a literal sugar seizure? I don’t know if that’s an actual thing, but I know I’ve experienced it.
Taylor and I recently spent 10 days in Bahamian paradise with my family. With an unusual amount of free time between the both of us, we decided to set some goals for the trip. Among them was a very important mission – Taste test and rate every single cocktail on the Tipsy Seagull menu. Full disclosure: we didn’t succeed, but we got pretty dang close.
We performed these taste tests nearly entirely under the influence of sugar-laden rum drinks, under a very hot sun. Precautions were taken to avoid dehydration by ordering more drinks. Do not try this at home…or do, I’m not your mom. What follows are our reviews and the results of our 10 day experiment.
Goombay Smash: Coconut rum, light rum, pineapple, splash of sour
All hail the GOOMBAY SMASH! If you ask anyone on the island, this is the signature drink. We even buy the ingredients and fill up jugs of our own goombay when we go out in the boat. It is the ultimate tropical cocktail and it should be sold everywhere.
Pineapple Freeze: Pineapple rum and pineapple juice, sweet n sour
You know that tingling tongue feeling you get when you eat pineapple? Did you know that it is due to the enzyme bromelain, which breaks down proteins? Pineapple essentially is eating you back. Just a fun fact, and kinda hardcore. In a freeze, pineapple tastes like a push-pop and you’ll get the same tongue tingling sensation…so you know its good!
The Grasshopper: Green creme de menthe, white creme de cacao
We were confused. The bartender was confused. I don’t think anyone has ever ordered this thing. Taylor ordered this one and I thought it was ‘a bold move, Cotton.’ It’s on the ice cream mix menu but it’s actually an ice drink? Or something. Not sure. Don’t get it.
Mudslide: Irish creme, vodka kamora, coffee liqueur
Admittedly, we may have been able to go through the entire menu if we stopped ordering more mudslides. Seriously, no matter where you are in the world, a mudslide is a mudslide.
Tipsy Splash: Treasure Bomb Shot, pineapple rum, OJ, cranberry
It was claimed that this was the “Signature drink” but I’m not sure who decided that. See Goombay Smash for that description. Taylor said this tastes like diabetes. Yeah, that’s about right.
Bahama Papa: Apricot brandy, light rum, pineapple
I’ve had a Bahama Mama before and I wasn’t interested in trying one again. We gave Papa a shot and the brandy served as a refreshing break from the sugar coma we were slowly slipping into.
Mango Mama: Mango rum, light rum, pineapple, OJ, grenadine
A very pleasing alternative to the Bahama. Always go for mango. Yellow Bird: Banana rum, light rum, galliano, OJ
I wanted to give the Yellow Bird 4 stars so bad, but I got outvoted. The general consensus was that fake banana flavoring is gross, but I say nay! You be the judge.
Purple Kool Aid: Blue curacao, blackberry brandy, cranberry
“Crap! I forgot to take a photo. Stop drinking that.” I understand this drink and why it’s on the menu, but it’s not my thing. If you like the ingredients, you’ll like the drink. Otherwise, meh.
Chocolata Coffee Frappe: Kamora coffee liqueur and dark creme de cacao
I had much higher hopes for this drink than I received. I even thought it possible to be better than a mudslide, based on the ingredients. Maybe it became watered down or had a poor ratio, but I wanted more chocolate here. Did I need more chocolate in my life? Shh.
Pirate’s Rum Runner: Rum runner with dark rum and blackberry brandy
Several cocktails in, we reviewed the pirate’s rum runner. Our eyes were already crossed but we pushed on. At first, we weren’t impressed but 3/4 of the way through, it was “F-f-f-f-ive stars!” We averaged out the initial and final scores.
Tropical Margarita: Gold tequila, triple sec, blue curaçao, sweet n sour
Look how pretty it is!! Get a tropical margarita just for the experience. Both as a drink and as a margarita, I give it super high ratings.
That’s all folks. Maybe one day, we will get through the entire menu. We’re back in the states now and I’m eating fruit in raw form and drinking various vegetables to snap my body back into balance. Really, it was my pleasure to take one for the team.